Seeking some new wry descriptions for the not-so-bright

[RockyMtnRay]

Like most who deal the public at large I occasionally have to deal with those who's mental skills are rather lacking (not truly retarded...just don't think). Since "idiot" and "nincompoop" are inflamatory and soooo politically incorrect, I've learned to use wry but telling expressions like:

"Not the brightest porch light in the neighborhood"

"Not the brightest light in the harbor"

"Not the sharpest tool in the drawer"

"The one who stares intently at the frozen orange juice container cause it says 'concentrate'"

"Two sandwiches short of a picnic"

Lately I've had to do quite a bit of tech support and find I'm repeating these phrases too often when describing some of the calls to my biz partners.

Anyone want to help with some new expressions along these lines that I can liven my conversation with?

Here are a few I found (and sometimes use).

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
4. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
5. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
6. Bright as Alaska in December.
7. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.
10. Fell out of the family tree.
11. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
12. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
13. He's so dense, the light bends around him.
14. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
15. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
16. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
17. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
18. Takes him a hour-and-a-half to watch "60 Minutes".
19. One burger short of a happy meal.

[RockyMtnRay]

Originally Posted by Texas_Camper

Ray
I personally do not think this is the proper forum for this... let's keep it withing the TM parameters please.
Next thing you know, it will begin to get vulgar.....
and worse......

Leon, I beg to differ. Kindly note I started this in the Off Topic forum (IOW anything that doesn't apply to TMs). So it most definitely is the right forum. And some rolicking humor would be a good thing...might even build a little community outside of the dry tech topics.

But the caution about vulgarity is reasonable...let's keep it clean (and reasonably tasteful) folks...basically "G" Rated. Beyond, let's hear some good ones.

[RockyMtnRay]

Originally Posted by BrigCA61

Here are a few I found (and sometimes use).

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
4. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.
5. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
6. Bright as Alaska in December.
7. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.
10. Fell out of the family tree.
11. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
12. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
13. He's so dense, the light bends around him.
14. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
15. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
16. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.
17. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.
18. Takes him a hour-and-a-half to watch "60 Minutes".
19. One burger short of a happy meal.

ROTFL. <**wipes tear from eye**> Thanks Brigitte, these are great...just what I was looking for.

[G-V_Driver]

"looking at that boy, it's hard to tell if evolution is coming or going"

I also do quite a bit of tech support in my job. My co-workers and I frequently refer to problems as "I D 10 T" errors .

These have been around for a long time in the military -supposedly written about British officers:

-- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
-- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
-- She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
-- He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
-- This officer should go far--and the sooner he starts, the better.
-- I would not breed from this officer.
-- This officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
-- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
-- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
-- He would be out of his depth in a car-park puddle.
-- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
-- This officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope:
always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
-- When he joined my ship, this officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
-- Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
-- In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
-- Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
-- This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

Had to edit due to some unacceptable language.

Here's a minor variation on one of those posted by BrigCA61:

"Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film."

All of these are great... I have lot's of additional phrases to add to my collection. Thanks for sharing them.