16 Steps to Build a Campfire

Was thinking about posting this in General Discussions, under Things I Learned the Hard Way:

1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into
slivers.
2. Bandage left thumb.
3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments
4. Bandage left foot.
5. Make structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand),
6. Light Match
7. Light Match
8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match.
9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently
into base of fire.
10. Apply burn ointment to nose.
11. When fire is burning, collect more wood.
12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching
for more wood, soak wood from can labeled "kerosene.
13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns.
14. Relabel can to read "gasoline".
15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood.
16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps.

Ed