You may be a _____________ if _________

[RockyMtnRay]

In today's hazardous weather outlook from the National Weather Service for the sourthern Colorado mountains was the sentence "IF ATHUNDERS TORM SHOULD TREK ACROSS THE BURN SCAR AREAS...THEN FLASH
FLOODING WILL BE POSSIBLE. " It struck me that probably only in Colorado would a NWS staffer describe the movement of a thunderstorm as a "trek" ("an arduous journey across mountainous terrain&quot. Yet another indicator that life here really is kinda different than it is elsewhere in the nation. Which reminded me of some lines from Jeff Foxworthy when he did a show here a while back:

You may be a Coloradan if...

You switch from "Heat" to "A/C" in one day.
Your sense of direction is: towards the mountains and away from the mountains.
You're a meat eating vegetarian.
The bike on your car is worth more than your car.
You're able to drive 65 miles per hour through 13 feet of snow during a raging blizzard without even flinching.
You always carry jumper cables in the car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
Driving is better in the winter cause the pot holes are filled with snow.
You know all 4 seasons: "almost winter, winter, still winter and "construction"
You can never figure out why your out of town guests faint from altitude sickness on a picnic to the mountains.
You can drive over a 12,000 foot pass in 4 feet of snow, but can't get to work if there are 4 inches of snow.
You know the 'correct' pronunciation of Buena Vista.
When you visit friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.
You have surge protectors on every outlet.
April showers bring May blizzards.
You see someone riding a Harley in a downpour, and you look closer to see if it's anyone you know.
'Timberline' is someplace you have actually been. Many times.
You know what a 'Chinook' is.
You know what a 'Rocky Mountain oyster' is.
You know what a 'fourteener' is.
But you don't know what a 'turn signal' is.
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you nearly as much as a Democrat in Congress does.
Your golf bag has a 9-iron, a 3-wood and a lightning-rod.
SPF 90 is not out of the question.
People visiting from other states breathe 5 times as often as you do.
Having a Senator named Nighthorse doesn't seem strange.
Thunder has set off your car alarm.
A sudden loss of cabin pressure is not a big deal.
You know where the real 'South Park' is.
You can recognize the license plates of all 50 states on sight.
Driving directions usually include 'Go over ____ Pass...'
You've used 'checking for ticks' as an excuse to get someone naked.
You've dressed in shorts, sandals, and a parka.
You've gone skiing in July.
You've gone sunbathing in January.

And most important:
You get a certain feeling of satisfaction from knowing that California and Texas are both downstream.
;D ;D ;D ;D

If you've got something along these lines for your state/region, please post!

kentucky - 2 million people and 5 last names

[Denny_A]

landing in Colorada if: you look out of the cabin window during landing and see a wall of rock in every direction!


Denny_A(spen)

A tourist, (if) you stop at the Eastern Border of Colorado and ask "What happened to the Mountains?" Actually happens all the time.

ColoradoCop

You may be from Colorado if...


You carry your $3,000 mountain bike on top of your $500 car.

You have a business degree and are frying burgers at a Mcdonald's in Vail.

You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a red bandanna.

Your real Y2K fear was running out of Celestial Seasonings tea and trail mix.

The entire top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

North means "mountains to the left"; south is "mountains to the right"; and east and west are where all those liberals keep moving in from.

You consider a three-piece suit to be a pair of shorts, a sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.

You have stood on solid ground and looked down on an airplane in flight.

You may be a Seattleite if:

You don't tan, you rust.

You know the difference between "drizzle," "light rain," "mist," "showers," "sprinkles," etc...

You only know 2 seasons: rainy and less rainy.

You know at least 5 people who work for Microsoft or Boeing (although the latter are disappearing quickly...)

You drive a big SUV with leather interior, and have no idea how to put it into 4WD.

You put on shorts and have a barbecue on the very first sunny day of Spring, knowing well it may be the LAST sunny day of Spring!

You stay home from work (or leave work at once) the second a few snowflakes fall, but you go skiing every winter weekend.

You only go to professional sporting events if the team is leading the league. Once they lose, you forget about them entirely.

You drive in any freeway lane you please, at any speed you wish, and are oblivious to the drivers who actually think the phrase "use right lane except to pass" means something.

You vote for increased taxes to build 2 sports stadiums (which you will only go to if the team is winning, see above), but vote against a continued levy to support emergency services. If you have a heart attack in the new stadium, too bad the ambulance can't get there because they ran out of gas money.

Just a few personal observations!

Kentucky Professional Engineering Exam
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest
when placed on blocks in your front yard? A.66 Ford
Fairlane: B. 69 Chevrolet Chevelle: C.64 Pontiac GTO
3. If your uncle builds a still that operates at a capacity
of 20 gallons of shine per hour, how many car radiators
are necessary to condense the product?
4. A pulpwood cutter has a chain saw that operates at 2700
rpm. The density of the pine trees in a plot to be
harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in
size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many
Budweiser Tallboys will it take to cut the trees?
5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge

of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the decrease in
the ozone layer?
6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a Field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet
and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1
inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many
hound dogs will be killed?
7. A man owns a house south of Salem and 3.7 acres of
land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man
has 5 children. Can each of the children place a mobile
home on the man's land?
8. A 2-ton coal truck is overloaded and proceeding 900
yards down a steep grade on a secondary road at 45 mph.
The brakes fail. Given the average traffic loading of
secondary roads, what are the chances that it will
strike a vehicle that has a muffler?
9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2
Hazardous Area. The Mine employs 120 miners per shift. A
gas warning is issued at the beginning of 3rd shift. How
many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during
the shift?

10. At a reduction in gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per
generation, how long will it take a town that has been
bypassed by the interstate to breed a country western
singer?

eileen

;D Grayghost, that is great! LOLed several times. Thanks.

[Denny_A]

Eileen,

Good stuff ;D. I've printed your post and assume you won't mind if I distibute it to friends and family.

My daughter just fled from a "nameless" state (north of the gulf and south of TN). She can relate to the trailer/hound dog/etc. part. She worked in a Veterinarian facility in a very small rural community. Finally had enough and came back home.

Denny & MS Teddy

denny, sure go ahead and use it ;D
i got it from a weimlist i belong to and it was
originally written with the state of tennesse
but i changed it to kentucky. guess you could
change it to any southern state.

eileen (still considered a d___ yankee by the locals)