My 2 cents..
Using the towratings from the TM site, the suggested vehicles work out at:
Highlander = 3500 lbs MAX and this requires the HD towing package.
Definitely not my choice. IMHO, this would be under-rated even for mild trips. The potential for mechanical overloads, extreme wear and breakdown, and potential repair cost would far out way the extra cost of the 4 Runner in the long run. I won't even bring up the "peace of mind factor".
4 Runner - v6 = 5000 lbs with HD towing package
4 Runner - v8 = 7000-7300lbs with HD towing package
Probably your best choice. Using your head, the v6 would probably work out ok. While this particular chart gives the same 5000# rating for both 2 and 4 wheel drive, you may want to keep in mind that by basic mechanical physics, 4x4 will drain power. (The reason 4x4 usually lowers your TC). I would be cautious about going with the v6 AND 4x4.
The v8 would give you plenty of service/safety factor, and peace of mind.
The 2 wheel drive gives you slightly more TC (and probably better gas mileage), but I think the 4x4 "grip" would probably be a better choice, even with the slight loss of TC, if your main area of camping will be the mountains. The 200 lbs of extra tow capacity means nothing when your trying to pull the TM out of a tricky spot and only one tire is driving.
Full size PUs can range anywhere from 7500-12,000 depending on model and equipment. As suggested, this would give you a great service/safety factor, but at a cost in daily gas mileage.
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