I have two hitches for my Tundra/TrailManor combination. One is a WDH and I typically use it although I did do some experimenting with a non-WDH right after I purchased the Tundra. Getting the WDH to be just like you want can be a bit of a project.
My Pro-Eagle WDH came with an adjustable L-shaped shank that has about 6 holes in it and the hitch uses 3 of the holes to mount to the shank. The 6 holes therefore give you 4 mounting heights. Furthermore, it can be used in a rise or lower orientation so it has quite a bit of flexibility. I have it in the rise orientation but use it in the lowest set of holes. (The shank isn't truly L-shaped and is more like something between an L and a T.) If you get a Pro-Eagle WDH, start with this layout and you will probably be done but can adjust things to taste later.
If you want to just get the thing home and worry about getting the WDH all perfect later, you can go to Wally World and pick up one of those hitch ball/shank combinations that "stick out straight" like you say in your post. I got one of those for about 20 bucks that can be used as a 1" drop or 2" rise. The 2" rise works pretty well. You have to jack the TM tongue up quite a bit to get it on there and it will look like it is going to be way out of level but after you lower the tongue jack and the truck sags under the load it should look pretty level. (My adjustments were made with a loaded TM/Truck so YMMV)
I do not have any sway control in my rigging nor do I see any need for i. The TM tracks like it is on rails. If your Tundra is a 2007 or later model, my data should be pretty good for you.
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