Steve -
The dry weights of the 2720SD and the 3023 are almost the same (the weight of the slide mechanism in the SD and SL accounts for this). Many have noted that the road-ready weights of the two can be quite different, largely because the 3023 has more space for "stuff". And as we all know, "stuff" expands to fill the space available. This is especially true when you are travelling with kids.
As for the Pilot, well, I see a number of potential gotchas on the Honda web site, with the suggestion that there are more in the Owner's Manual. But I'll leave you to evaluate those. Based on my own experience with 2 people in the TM in the high Sierras, and specifically Yosemite, I'm not sure that this is the best choice for towing with a family of four.
Bill
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